Down to 198! 7 lbs in 4 days. Now you know that is just water weight and that will slow down significantly. But man oh man is it rewarding! When I did it the first time, the least I lost was 3.6 in one week.
Yesterday was the first time I had a hard time getting in all my shakes. I missed one. If your mind is in the right place, and mine is, this is not that hard. It is mind over matter. It really really is.
My boyfriend started doing this with me on the same day. He did great for two days and then fell off the wagon. You have GOT to be mentally prepared for this test of mental ability. The hunger is not intense. It is the triggers that are difficult. I haven't yet had to deal with any triggers. I'm still on the high of starting this all over again and making it 4 days. If you can get a week under your belt, there is no turning back after that.
This weekend I will go up to my family camp, and that is hard. When you are not eating you find how much social activities are geared towards eating.
I have got to figure out what I am going to do when I am done with the HMR-800 liquid shake fast. I have to make a plan. I have to learn how to feed myself without eating crap. I tend to eat in a hurry. I am not a cook..I can do it, but I don't enjoy it. I like to eat and move on to other things. Cooking & eating to me is a necessity not something I do as a hobby or enjoyment.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Day Two - Back in the saddle
My starting weight was 205. Which means I have gained 35lbs back! HOLY CRAP. I guess I'm glad that I have started to get it under control before I gained it all back. I got on the scale yesterday and cried. I worked so hard to achieve 170 lbs on the shakes three years ago. I seriously kept it off for a good two years. Then last year from Jan - May I lost another 15 lbs training for tough mudder. I was down to 155 lbs. HOW, HOW, HOW did I let myself go? WHY, WHY, WHY? I'm heartbroken but not defeated.
Today I got on the scale and I'm 201.2. First full day of shakes. The typical big weight loss after day 1 on the program. I ran 3.75 miles yesterday in 44 minutes. Not fast, in fact that is a slow 12 minute mile. But, I did it. My Runtastic Ap says that is 606 calories. Today...it is raining. Hard. I can go running in the rain or I can make an excuse. I don't have room for anymore excuses. I only have room for results. Let's make this happen.
I have a 10K on August 3rd. I have my brother's wedding on August 10th. Here are a few of my goals.
#1 - To finish the 5K in under 1 hr.
#2 - To weigh 190 lbs by August 10th.
Ambitious yes, but we must have goals. Small little goals each week so that we have something more to focus on than the over-whelming big picture. That is why weight watchers and most weight loss programs focus on the 10% of your body weight goal. Extreme weight loss makeover show on TV does 10% in 30 days! My goal would be to lose 20.5 lbs in 30 days. So on August 20th, I should weigh 185 lbs. I am secretly hoping for 180. I've got this. The 30 days is coming no matter what I do. I can look better when that 30 days comes or I can look the same. I am choosing to look different.
See you tomorrow. I have a very wet 3.75 miles to slowly run.
Today I got on the scale and I'm 201.2. First full day of shakes. The typical big weight loss after day 1 on the program. I ran 3.75 miles yesterday in 44 minutes. Not fast, in fact that is a slow 12 minute mile. But, I did it. My Runtastic Ap says that is 606 calories. Today...it is raining. Hard. I can go running in the rain or I can make an excuse. I don't have room for anymore excuses. I only have room for results. Let's make this happen.
I have a 10K on August 3rd. I have my brother's wedding on August 10th. Here are a few of my goals.
#1 - To finish the 5K in under 1 hr.
#2 - To weigh 190 lbs by August 10th.
Ambitious yes, but we must have goals. Small little goals each week so that we have something more to focus on than the over-whelming big picture. That is why weight watchers and most weight loss programs focus on the 10% of your body weight goal. Extreme weight loss makeover show on TV does 10% in 30 days! My goal would be to lose 20.5 lbs in 30 days. So on August 20th, I should weigh 185 lbs. I am secretly hoping for 180. I've got this. The 30 days is coming no matter what I do. I can look better when that 30 days comes or I can look the same. I am choosing to look different.
See you tomorrow. I have a very wet 3.75 miles to slowly run.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Fallen...weight gain, depression and regrouping.
First of all, I am sorry. I am sorry that I've been away so long. I am also sorry, to myself mostly, that I have allowed the weight to come back on. Not all of it. I don't know actually how much I've actually gained back. I refuse to get on a scale for fear of falling into a great big depression. I have been struggling with what to do to regain control.
Let's fall backwards to November, 2010..when I stopped blogging. I started going through a divorce. The divorce was final in March of 2011. Life was in full color again. I was beautiful again. People noticed me again. My husband failed to notice me...and well, someone else did. That is the shitty truth. I am not proud of that. I do feel that his lack of attention and everything else for that matter was a slow painful death in the end. My weight loss just put the whole process on high speed. To this day we remain friends and business partners. It wasn't messy at all. The guilt that remains is the hardship on my children. They are with me one week and with him the next. They are exceptional little troopers and put their bravest faces on and their best feet forward. I love my little people who I couldn't image taking it better than they have.
My life has come full circle. My ex-husband and I had bought a home together in the vey beginning that we had envisioned being an investment property that we would hand down to one of our children. We had lived in it when we had our first child and were in the beginning stages of marriage. As we moved on in life we rented it out. I was awarded this gigantic eye sore in the divorce. I ignored it since the minute it became all mine. I didn't want to deal with it. I have had an about face and have come back to live in it, fix it up and flip it. Sadly, I look in the old mirrors that I used to look into and see a woman that looks pretty much the same as I did when I left. The struggle and the weight gain that I had achieved somehow missing in between years. It is heart-breaking to me.
I need to hit the restart button. Again. I am frustrated, struggling, angry with myself. I have started the shake diet only to fail within a couple of days. How in the hell did I do this last time? Where did I find the motivation? Where did I find the mental strength to get through this? Where have I gone? What did I do? Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!! DAMMIT!!
Then, I found my old blog. This blog. I had seriously forgotten about it. I read through it, cried..a lot. Read your comments and cursed myself for leaving you all. Cursed myself for allowing my hard work to just go to hell. Then I found it. I found the motivation in a comment that one of you left for me. "It is yours to have." One of you responded to a blog entry and you quoted me. I had said something worth while...something that had made the slightest difference in your struggle, your fight to drop the weight. This is mine to have. Again. If I want it bad enough, and I do.
So today, I hit the slopes of one of my favorite mountains. Gunstock Mountain Ski Resort. I am going to do a little bit of inner soul-searching. Find the inner demon that has come back to haunt me and leave it somewhere out there on the trail. I'm going to start again tomorrow. How many of you are with me? Will you go on this journey with me again? Tomorrow morning I will step on the scale for the first time in a year and face reality. I will drive to Concord tomorrow and buy shakes and start again.
I know what some of my obstacles are. However, many of them are unknown. I have more going for me this time, I think. I have been running. I can run a 5k without stopping. One of the obstacles is that I am in a new relationship and we enjoy eating & drinking together. He has been a great big sabatoger for me. Funny thing is, that when I met him he was motivation to get into the mountains again. He was motivation to eat healthy and to be healthy. It will be interesting to see what happens when I cut out the eating and drinking and take a hard close look at what remains. When you clean the system out so much of what you have been hiding or refusing to see comes to the surface...hence the divorce I went through last time.
So, tomorrow. Tomorrow it all begins again. I'm ready, but I will need you again. Weigh in tomorrow...oye. REALITY!
Let's fall backwards to November, 2010..when I stopped blogging. I started going through a divorce. The divorce was final in March of 2011. Life was in full color again. I was beautiful again. People noticed me again. My husband failed to notice me...and well, someone else did. That is the shitty truth. I am not proud of that. I do feel that his lack of attention and everything else for that matter was a slow painful death in the end. My weight loss just put the whole process on high speed. To this day we remain friends and business partners. It wasn't messy at all. The guilt that remains is the hardship on my children. They are with me one week and with him the next. They are exceptional little troopers and put their bravest faces on and their best feet forward. I love my little people who I couldn't image taking it better than they have.
My life has come full circle. My ex-husband and I had bought a home together in the vey beginning that we had envisioned being an investment property that we would hand down to one of our children. We had lived in it when we had our first child and were in the beginning stages of marriage. As we moved on in life we rented it out. I was awarded this gigantic eye sore in the divorce. I ignored it since the minute it became all mine. I didn't want to deal with it. I have had an about face and have come back to live in it, fix it up and flip it. Sadly, I look in the old mirrors that I used to look into and see a woman that looks pretty much the same as I did when I left. The struggle and the weight gain that I had achieved somehow missing in between years. It is heart-breaking to me.
I need to hit the restart button. Again. I am frustrated, struggling, angry with myself. I have started the shake diet only to fail within a couple of days. How in the hell did I do this last time? Where did I find the motivation? Where did I find the mental strength to get through this? Where have I gone? What did I do? Arrrgggghhhhhhh!!! DAMMIT!!
Then, I found my old blog. This blog. I had seriously forgotten about it. I read through it, cried..a lot. Read your comments and cursed myself for leaving you all. Cursed myself for allowing my hard work to just go to hell. Then I found it. I found the motivation in a comment that one of you left for me. "It is yours to have." One of you responded to a blog entry and you quoted me. I had said something worth while...something that had made the slightest difference in your struggle, your fight to drop the weight. This is mine to have. Again. If I want it bad enough, and I do.
So today, I hit the slopes of one of my favorite mountains. Gunstock Mountain Ski Resort. I am going to do a little bit of inner soul-searching. Find the inner demon that has come back to haunt me and leave it somewhere out there on the trail. I'm going to start again tomorrow. How many of you are with me? Will you go on this journey with me again? Tomorrow morning I will step on the scale for the first time in a year and face reality. I will drive to Concord tomorrow and buy shakes and start again.
I know what some of my obstacles are. However, many of them are unknown. I have more going for me this time, I think. I have been running. I can run a 5k without stopping. One of the obstacles is that I am in a new relationship and we enjoy eating & drinking together. He has been a great big sabatoger for me. Funny thing is, that when I met him he was motivation to get into the mountains again. He was motivation to eat healthy and to be healthy. It will be interesting to see what happens when I cut out the eating and drinking and take a hard close look at what remains. When you clean the system out so much of what you have been hiding or refusing to see comes to the surface...hence the divorce I went through last time.
So, tomorrow. Tomorrow it all begins again. I'm ready, but I will need you again. Weigh in tomorrow...oye. REALITY!
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