Day 50 - A slow down.

This week at weigh in I only dropped 3.7 pounds. I know, I know it is still good yaddy yada. I heard it from the 3 amigos too. But it is the least I've lost in the past 7 weeks of butt busting. I burned 3600 calories this week. More than last week. My theory...as I always have a theory...is that this is the first week up here in New Hampshire that we have had some really cool weather. It was 41 degrees yesterday when I went for my run. Brrr!! I think my body is saying,"Winter...need to keep the fat!" I suggested my theory to the nutritionist and she agreed with me. That it was a rough week for everyone in my class. So it goes.

I've been thinking a little bit more about "The Voice." I did have, a few posts back, a fight with the voice over wether or not to live up to a deal I had made with myself. Is this an eternal hiccup that I will forever deal with? A recording that continously plays again and again that I'm not deserving of a reward? Um....no. I'm simply a very sensible person. I'm not a big splurger. When I told myself that it was $300 I could use elsewhere, I could. I have to learn that making a deal with myself is just as important as making a deal with someone else. I cannot let myself out of it. I do not believe that some internal hijacking mischeif maker is waiting to pounce on every positive thought and squash it like a bug. I just don't. I will not divide myself up into pieces or people or old thoughts.

I read about people fighting with themselves or "inner voices" in the weight loss forums. I listended to it in class last night. I just want to scream! Its just another way of pointing the finger at someone other than yourself. Of not taking responsibility for these thoughts! Oh sure, its someone elses fault we think this way. Its "the voice." (Key dramatic music.) I am done with the voice. I ran without my Ipod the other day to try and discover what "the voice" was saying to me. It kept telling me that I definately needed to keep losing weight as I could feel my rearend bouncing dutifully behind me as I jogged up the path. It told me that I needed to remember to chew gum because I could smell my own coffee breath as I was gasping for air on the way back down the trail. It told me to get new shoes because my toes are starting to stick out of the tops of my favorite sneakers. Oh good grief. I mean honestly! Enough already.