The update is: I was 227. I'm now 210. I want to be 150. So I've lost 17lbs. I have 60 lbs to go! I had my bloodwork done and my triglicerides went from 854 to 72! My cholesterol was 240 and is now 98! No wonder I feel like a million bucks.
I did have an elevated liver panel. They think I might not be getting enough calories so I have to have an extra shake a day this week. OR they think my body is burning fat so much that my liver is being over used. Poor liver...sorry but I gotta burn this crap off. Its going to be a long journey for you, my feet, and my brain. Essential organs get with it will ya?
Over the past 3 weeks, I've watched my daughter choose water over juice or soda. I've watched her want to walk and exercise. She is choosing to do what I'm doing. When I explained to them why I wasn't going to be eating food for awhile because if I kept eating the way I was they would eventually have a very unhealthy mother. My 5 year old son and my 8 year old daughter became pantry security. In fact I came home last night to find that my husband had made a friggin' CHEESECAKE!!! It has just come out of the oven. I walked over to it and too a nice big smell. My son says, "Mom, you can't have that." Even though he is five and super cute his insistance that I couldn't have it made me want it. It triggered a voice inside my head that said "No one can tell you what you can and can't have!" The control side of me. It has never ever been motivating for someone to tell me I'm heavy or that what I'm eating is not good for me. In fact it shoves me further in the other direction. A trigger for me....and one that I have to be aware of.
Ever since my children were young I would try to teach them good eating habits. We would talk about portions. I even have portion plates so that they could learn how much of each type of food to eat! I would talk about the benefits of water and exercise. Yet, I never practiced what I preached. I would say choose a fruit and I'd eat chips. I would suggest water for them and swig down a diet coke. I have been a walking hypocrite since both of my children came into this world. I have confused them. My son, at five, doesn't seem to be effected yet. He looks and acts much like his father who will never have a weight problem. My husband is thin and always busy. He forgets to eat and prefers to eat healthy when given the choice. My son could careless about eating. He doesn't want to take the time to stop and eat. If you can get something in his mouth as he runs past you then you are ahead of the game.
My beautiful daughter. She looks like small mini me, except she is twice as tall as I was when I was that age. She loves food. If I would let her she would eat all day long. Not healthy things either. She would drink soda and eat salt n' vinegar chips dipping them into macaroni and cheese. She plots her next meals as I always have. She wants a "treat" everytime we go to a store as I have always done. She is me in every single way and in her eating habits. I have always taught her what is right and wrong to eat. It is very obvious to me that actions peak louder than words. She has been learning unhealthy habits simply by watching me. You can't tell children you have to show them. I have been letting her down. I have been leading her down the same road to the same problems that I have. It breaks my heart. I have failed her as a mother. I have been a poor role model. I do not want her to struggle with her weight as I have. It has consumed a lot of my life. It has caused me to go into hiding. To avoid people. To lose that social aspect of my life that I enjoy. It has reaked havoc on my body. It has tortured my self-esteem and confidence. I do not want that for my little girl.
I will finish this diet and I will make it a lifestyle. I pledge that to my children. I will find my triggers and find my pain. I will learn how to make better choices and lead a healthy lifestyle. Because my family deserves that from me. I deserve it for myself. I want to be plugged into life and not skirting around the frindges of the life that I deserve. I'm getting closer to the person I know I am inside. I can feel it.
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